Marriage is an institution ordained by God. It is a sacrificial commitment between both parties involved, in which both leave their former lives and come together to become one in a new life. It is very saddening to note that the very people smiling and overexcited about their marriage some years ago or who had planned big and invited the high and mighty, cannot now stand the very presence of each other.
It is the dream of every girl to be a queen on her wedding day. But this notion has made most women believe that their wedding preparations must be one big event whether they are capable financially or not. And looking at the pictures of most society weddings, one cannot but wonder if these couples remain happily married after their extravagant wedding events. It can also be asked if the zeal and efforts put into these weddings are also put into their marriages. Does it also commensurate with the time spent building their homes and giving their children love and affection?
According to Thompson Okeke, a Project manager who believes that wedding and marriage preparations do not always carry the same attention, as most couple believe in having extravagant, societal weddings and pay less attention to the main business called marriage.
“Many couples prepare themselves for a wedding, not a marriage,” he said. “The amount of time that goes into preparing for new responsibilities and attaining a new level of maturity is nothing compared to the time spent on table settings, dress fittings and flower arrangements. Most girls and guys, dream of their wedding day for a long time. The day when the spotlight is on them, when people gather to listen to them and celebrate them.”
In accordance with Okeke, Helen Nwogbo-Anyaorah, a microbiologist believes that it is good to have a societal wedding since it’s a one in a lifetime event, but while making preparations for the big day, it is also good to plan for the future (marriage) as well.
In her words: “Couples need to extend their sight beyond the glitz and glamour of the wedding day. Does it really come as a surprise that one needs to reboot one’s life and start on a new operating system the second you move in together? In reality, the move catches many off guard. That is why separations, divorce and domestic violence are so rampant in our society. Couples need to arm themselves with realistic expectations, and know that coming from a happy home doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage.”
It is quite shameful to get separated or divorced over little issues in a very short period of time, especially when one had spent a fortune to have a society wedding. So many couples also go into debts that they have to pay in a lifetime because they want a society wedding and forget that marriage also needs finances. Narrating his ordeal, a newlywed man who do not want his name on print, has said that he has been thrown into debts by his wife and family, due to her excesses and quest for a society wedding that must set the internet on fire.
“My pocket is bleeding,” he lamented. “I can’t look at my wife the same anymore. I recently got married and everything has been good. I am adjusting to married life. But the shock that hit me, and has made me lucky to still be standing financially and mentally, though they keep coming, is the debts, my wife and her family has incurred on me because of her extravagant spending. I feel betrayed; I wanted an economical wedding. I specified I didn’t want to be published on wedding blogs or have this entire band wagon internet hash tag wedding. But she went ahead to.”
According to him, what should matter most is one’s marital bliss.
But Mrs Ijay Jacinta is of the contrary opinion that most society weddings do not end up on the negative lane, though a majority do. According to the Abuja-based lab technician, she believes that if you are capable financially to throw an elaborate wedding and of course know what you are getting involved in, there is no big deal in it.
“It is said that marriages are made in heaven and celebrated on earth,” she stated. “But for it to be so, one needs to understand the word called marriage. It is a special bond shared between two souls, who tie the wedding knot after promising to be companions for a lifetime. It is also the physical, mental and spiritual unison of two souls. The likes of Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde and her husband, Joke and Olu Jacobs, Tunde and Wunmi Obe, and so many others who have understood what marriage is all about, have stood the test of time,” she said.
Continuing, Mrs. Ijay noted that “Why it seems as if certain unions cannot stand the test of time is because, new relationships are hard, especially ones that are under social pressure to succeed. It needs one to be smart and have realistic expectations to make it work. Don’t expect the same lifestyle, don’t expect the same freedoms, and don’t expect marriage to become a solution to your problems.”
Life after the glitz and glamour of a society wedding can be very difficult. It is best one considers a lot of things before embarking on the journey called marriage. There’s a degree of comfort in knowing what one is getting into, but in missing out on this journey, one will miss out on the bonding process and compatibility test. No matter how one’s homework is done, he/she will never know all the intimate details of his or her partner until they start living together – the kind of things that could put a strain on any relationship if one don’t simply compromise or just agree to disagree.
Marriage is a lifetime affair and needs the strong and matured at heart to be able to toe that path.